The First Year of Marriage and Beyond: Love, Comfort, and New Beginnings

Steve and I were married less than 2 months when we experienced our 1st tirp to the hospital:  I broke my arm catching a kickball. :(   We both learned a great deal about communication as well as recognizing that we are vulnerable/not invincible.  It was definitely a time of learning how to serve one another  in addition to sharing what we need.  When we married, I felt like a crazy woman trying to oganize my things as well as changing my name on important documents, etc.  Breaking my arm actually slowed me down a little bit! :)


 Less than two months after breaking my arm, and less than one month into a new school/work year, Steve and I found out that we were pregnant!!   When we saw that the pregnancy test was positive we held one another, laughed, and shared joyful tears.  


We were excited to share that time with close friends who were also pregnant at that timel:  Dreaming of our kiddos growing up together and becoming good friends in addition to sharing in the beginnings of parenthood with our friends.   


When our baby was 9 weeks old, we were blessed to have been given an early ultrasound.

My sister, Noelle, says that a lil baby at 9 weeks resembles a little Teddy Graham.  She's right!  :)  Our baby wiggled during the ultrasound causing us to cry in amazement and joy.  "Wow..."  We couldn't wait to show the pictures to family and friends.  


A few days went by and I/Mer started to not feel well... I had a fever and a cough that wouldn't ease up.  Due to pregnancy, I wasn't able to take anything for my cough or fever but drank lots of fluids and used cough drops. Looking back, I think that I went through 5 boxes of tissue, too. :)  A week later, Steve and I went to a bridal shower for two dear people. :) After the shower I remember feeling some slight muscle pulls down low in my abdomen. That evening, while at home relaxing with my hubby, I started spotting.  That was the first time and thus I was pretty concerned.  However, spotting is a common occurrence for many pregnant mommies and thus Steve and I prayed...deciding to not let worry reign in that moment.  An hour later, the spotting increased as well as became more red.  


We called the on-call Doctor-   she set up an ultrasound for me 2 days later (on Monday) as to give my heart reassurance.  From Midnight to 3am, I had terrible pains in my back and abdomen... I couldn't sleep and later noticed that the bleeding was heavy.  We called the Doctor back and then headed in to the ER at Clarian North at 4am.  Steve texted some family and friends to elicit prayer.  


After an I.V., a Rhogam shot, and lots of cramping, we were told that we had a 50/50 chance that the baby was alive and well.  Steve and I were sent back to a room where a gal was called in to give an ultrasound.  


It was comforting to realize that the technician and I both grew up in Anderson and had mutual friends through our years of swimming in high school.  Having that connection helped calm my heart.  As she showed the images on the screen I remember thinking, "I don't see the baby.  I'm not good at reading these and thus maybe I'm missing him or her."  My voice then became audible, "I don't see the baby."  


The ultrasound technician was limited in all that she was permitted to say and thus could only share what she  COULD see... helping us infer that our baby was no longer there.  Out of respect and care, the technician left Steve and I in the room together.  I went to the bathroom and couldn't help but let the flood gates (tears) open up.  Steve came in and held me...we both cried and cried.  All that we kept thinking of was our first ultrasound: seeing our baby wiggle.  


We left the hospital a few hours later, near 8am on November of 2008, and it was snowing.  God is so good... He knows that I love snow. He also knows that when it rains or snows it seems as if God is blessing those it falls upon.  Despite the physical and emotional pain that morning, God's presence was so evident. We felt so much love from God through our family, friends, and co-workers.  


My boss called me immediately when she saw my email on Sunday morning- encouraging  me to not come into work until I was ready.  She was a huge support!  Friends and family sent cards, flowers and meals.  Melody and Dylan, a couple who had suffered the same type of loss ~7-8 months prior, comforted Steve and I with the comfort God had given them. They not only gave us a basket with treats, a CD, and a book ("I'll hold you in Heaven" by Debbie Heydrick), but they called us and texted us often to make sure we were encouraged. 


2 Corinthians 1:4 - who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.


Steve and I both felt as if that time was more intimate that anything we had experienced to that point (i.e., our wedding day, etc).  Before the night of the miscarriage, Steve had a dream that we gave birth to a lil girl with dark, brown hair encircling a little red patch in the middle.  When he pulled her away from his chest to gaze upon her again he noticed that the baby he was holding was slightly older with lighter hair.  Per that dream, we feel strongly that God was telling us that we had a little girl.  When she came to my mind (which was often), I pictured a lil face that was as cute as a rosebud.  For that reason, we named her Rose Olivia. 





Before I went back to work I realized 2 things: (1). I really wanted to be a mom and (2). I could  then admit that my job was very stressful.  I loved my job but there was too much for one person to do and do to the desire of my heart.  Not wanting to make an emotional decision and let my job go without fervent prayer, Steve and I prayed and prayed.  By March, I sensed that God was encouraging me to let my job go.  It was a difficult decision but I felt a huge weight lift off of my shoulders.  Steve calmed my fears (of possibly putting more stress upon him finacially, etc) by showing his sincere support of this decision.  He is my biggest cheerleader!! :)


From April 2008 to April 2009, I had been growing my hair for locks of love.  I was so excited to not only donate my hair but to start a new season in life.  Not only did my head feel lighter but so did my heart.  It was the beginning a new journey- knowing that I was letting go of lots of stress and painful memories...

It was a bitter-sweet season... I was letting go of a job that I LOVED (my students, staff, and parents) but it was what I knew God wanted.  He wanted to lesson the stress in my life.  Steve and I also desired to add to our family again. Lessoning stress would hopefully assist. 


LOVE YOU, FOREST DALE ELEMENTARY!!!


Immediately after the school year came to a close, Steve was asked to be an Elder and Pastor for a church plant in Fishers, Indiana.  We were absolutely thrilled, humbled, and honored!!  We prayed about this part of our journey and realized that we needed to sell our home in Broad Ripple and move up to my old condo in Fishers.  Before our move in August, my sister-in-law, Kristin, and her husband, Clint, had their 2nd baby: Kelsey Rose.  She is a precious little girl who has brought such joy!!!

(Aimee and I show-off Kelsey)

Just before Kelsey's birth, my hubby had extensive ankle surgery.  Poor guy wasn't able to walk for 2-3 months but BOY did he enjoy that knee scooter!!  Especially when crusing around work (The VA Hospital) and grocery stores. :)  His ankle is as good as new and we are LOVING the church plant!!  www.lanternroad.com  We have developed such close friendships with those we see each week and feel so honored to be a part of their lives.  It's humbling to be able to serve the city of Fishers with these folks. 


The first year and a 1/2 of our marriage has brought us both joys and sorrows, but the sorrows only made joys that much richer... and brought us even closesr to God and to one another.  Thank you for reading this post... It was a long one!! :)


Much love,
Meridith




PS
Knowing that our baby is in Heaven and is with Jesus brings Steve and I immense Joy.  Although we felt the pain of loss on-and-off, we couldn't help but smile knowing where she is.  


One of the songs Melody gave us was Watermark's "Glory Baby."  I put the lyrics a the bottom of this blog along with a brief bio about Nathan and Christy Nockel's experience with miscarriage. 


Bio of Nathan and Christy Nockels:
Part of Watermark's appeal is their refusal to shy away from difficult topics. This trait was perhaps most pronounced on their sophomore effort, All Things New, released by Rocketown in 2000. The album features the song "Glory Baby," a reminiscence of the child Christy miscarried. The couple suffered a second miscarriage before the birth of their son Noah Luke in 2000. Christy speaks candidly, both musically and in interviews, of the pain she and Nathan endured and its effect on their faith. "We've experienced grief for the first time and learned about that process, but I think through grief, God just showed me some places in my life that I needed to surrender," she told the Christian Broadcasting Network's Lisa Ryan. "It was a really dark time, but at the same time it is strange because I look back on that and I remember that being a very spiritually enlightening, very bright, light time," Nathan recalled in the same interview. "I think it was because everything was stripped away, just like that, and there was nothing except for us and God." Christy feels it is important to share her tribulations with audiences: "A lot of brokenness and vulnerability comes through on our records and in our concerts. People can see that we're weak, we're not super Christians, and we don't have it all together but, thankfully, God uses us in spite of it."

Read more: http://www.musicianguide.com/biographies/1608003761/Watermark.html#ixzz0dARr1N7V




Watermark's "Glory Baby"  (Nathan and Christy Nockels)
Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby.. 

Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…


Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you 

You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you 

But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do


Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting 

But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing- 

That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…


BRIDGE:
I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…

"This Is Really Happening!"

December 24th, 2007. I drove over to Steve's home so that we could go to the Christmas Eve service together at Common Ground. I knocked on the door only to get a glimpse of him through the blinds. It caught my eye that he didn't have a shirt on...!  He opened the door only so slightly...I couldn't see anything but his face.  He then asked if it would be ok if I waited in the car for him.  Not thinking anything of it, I waited in the car and sang songs along with the radio.  He walked out and got into the car and apologized... Again, I didn't think anything about it. He then called a close friend on our way to church only to hear his friend say, via speaker phone, "Have you asked her yet? Are you engaged?"  Once AGAIN, it didn't register. I knew that many were asking Steve the same question but I didn't think that anyone knew the timing in which he woudl ask me. It was hilarious looking back at these events!

The service was wonderful!  Christmas Eve has always been one of, if not THE favorite day/night of the year for me. So reverant... Steve and I were getting ready to leave Common Ground when all of a sudden something paranormal happened :) -  Steve had his cellphone out and was texting.  At this time in our relationship, Steve rarely carried his cellphone anywhere outside of his car, nonetheless texted. This DID strick me as unusual, but AGAIN...I didn't think much else of it.

As walked out of church, Steve shared with me that we needed to run to the store to get some cinnamon rolls for the Christmas morning breakfast at his family's home in Franklin.  We ran to Walgreen's, the only store open at the time, and bought 9 Hostess Honeybuns!! NINE!! As we walked out of the 62nd Street and Keystone Walgreen's Steve is blowin'-up his phone (texting) again.  "Hmmmmm."

We pulled-up to his house and sat in the car listening to a song that we both loved... As I was getting out I looked down at my feet and saw some red cranberry-looking things.... "What are those from?" I thought...

As he opened the door to his home I saw ~200 tealights glowing around the room.  Two thoughts came to my mind"  "Is this really happening?" and "How long have these been lit?! That could have started a fire!"

We sat down on the couch and in my view were 20 tealights, a cranberry wreath bordering the table ("THAT'S where those cranberries came from- on the floor of the car!"), two glasses of red wine, 5 ring boxes, and a Bible.  I was pretty intrigued seeing 5 ring boxes... Curious, to say the least.

Steve picked-up the 1st box on the far left. Inside was a gray, jaged rock.  Steve then shared the story and process of how he prayed for this event... He had driven up to my home in Anderson, where I was born and raised.  He sat in his car outside our home and prayed for a few minutes and then got out of his car. He found a rock in the driveway and upon holding it   God told Steve's heart that the rock represnted where my journey of faith began. Although rough and jaged, it was the beginninig.

Following the trek to Anderson, Steve then drove 2 1/2 hours down to Bloomington...visiting the Pi Beta Phi house (where I lived during my 4 years at IU). He found a rock and prayed.  This rock was interestingly enough shaped like an arrow.  God shared that this was where He gave me what my heart thought it wanted...but that those things just pointed me toward Him even more.

The 3rd and final trip was to Indiana State- to where I lived during Graduate school (2001-2003).  Again Steve prayed and found a rock (it was dark in color and very smooth to the touch).  He sensed God was saying that this was a season in my/Mer's life where lots of painful events had refined/smoothed me down. It was where my faith in Him/God really grew.

Steve had each rock in it's own box.  The 4th rock was given to me at a women's Bible study and it said, "Princess." God was telling me that He saw me as a Princess. When you feel really low about yourself, those words really touch your heart.   As you can guess, the 5th and final box was the ring.  He placed it on my hand and asked me if I would marry him.  Immediately following this proposal, Steve read a verse from my favorite book: Ruth.

Ruth 1:16-18 "But Ruth replied, "Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. ¹⁷ Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me." ¹⁸ When Naomi realized that Ruth was determined to go with her, she stopped urging her."

I realized later that Steve was texing Scott and Whitney Saucedo as to let them know that we were on our way... The "Sauces" lit all of the candles for us! (Thanks, Scott and Whit!)  The reason why Steve had his shirt off when I answered the door earlier in the evening was because he was lighting the candles around the living room- seeing how long it would take (giving it a trial run).

Psalm 37:4
Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart.


I didn't think I was worthy to be loved like God loves me... and certainly didn't think a man would love me as my heart desired.  Yet, God knew these desires and encouraged me to wait/trust/hope in Him.  Steve was/is worth the wait.  


Isaiah 54:5
"For your husband is your Maker, Whose name is the LORD of hosts; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel, Who is called the God of all the earth.


God will always be my everything... I can only be the wife that Steve deserves by God's grace and with His help, daily. 

How I Met My Husband

Sounds like a TV show ("How I Met My Husband").
Well, here it goes... :)

When I was young, I could sense God's love and feel that He was near. He was a Father, a Friend, and a safe place. I knew Jesus was/is the Son of God and I had reverence in my heart for Jesus...but had a question inside that caused me to ask God how we (His creation) are different from Jesus ("God, aren't we your children, too?"). As always, God was faithful to asnwer. His timing was and is perfect. My testimony is one I share when able but I'll spare you that (can get a lil long-winded) as it's best when shared in-person. So, to make a long story shorter, :) God showed who Jesus is and my need for Him through studying the Bible with friends from a local church. I couldn't get enough of reading about Him...at Borders, Barnes, and Starbucks...my Bible and I were pretty much married with a cup of coffee for hours each day. You should have seen the coffee stains on the pages.

It was then that I realized that I needed and desired to marry a man who loved God, too. To share this with my future husband was so important to my heart: to pray with Him and to encourage one another regarding faith, and to love others with that same love. What was an interesting twist was that I was content in my singlehood. As much as I longed to marry a man who would pray with me and love God more than he loved me, I felt pretty fulfilled with the friendships I had and being an aunt (who adores her niece and nephews).

Deep insdie I wanted to know that I was worthy of being loved by a man. To fully know that he loved me for me and wanted to walk through the growing pains of life by my side. One of my dear friends prayed a couple years ago that God would bring a man into my life that would help me love God more...better as a couple...than I/we could apart from one another. That prayer resignated loudly within.

It was not long afterwards that a co-worker approached me at work and shared that she wanted to fix me up with someone. She said that he was super fun and had a great personality. I was open to this but really needed to know if he had a heart for God. That's an awkward thing to ask...:) What I felt come out of my mouth was this: "My prayer is that I'll marry a man who will go on missions trips with me." In response to this she said, "Well, THAT'S like 1% of the population." "True," I thought to myself. But as I left the room I remember saying to God, "God, You can do anything."

A month later in May of 2007, Steve asked me out. :)

We first met in the fall of 2006 at my job as a Speech Therapist. I loved my job!! In addition to helping kiddos with their communication, I also dressed up as a Granny once a week to teach idioms to the whole school. Doing the worm was included in this endeavor. It was a blast! My best friend, Nicky, had known Steve for many years and they were/are very good friends. He came by to visit Nicky and met me in my Granny outfit while at school/work. Yep, our 1st meeting was him in scrubs (physical therapist) and I in a granny wig and outfit. My first thought about Steve at this point was, "Wow, he's really tall!" No pun intended, but tall men didn't stand out to me...it was just a factual statement that came to mind.

We then crossed paths at Nicky's birthday party which was a really hard night for me. I was feeling really down and wasn't able to stay very long... Yet, he took the initiative to walk up and say, "hi" to me. I only knew 3 of the 25 people there; thus, that simple greeting really helped me feel more at home. I remember thinking, "He is so nice!!"

The 3rd time we met, our Bible studies had merged for a dinner-night. I wasn't wearing any make-up and was wearing my new retainer. Talk about feeling gorgeous. :) He introduced himself to the group via an hilarious joke and then taught a lesson. My thoughts that night were: "He has a great sense of humor!" and "He is so atractive to me- leading and teaching about God."

The 4th time we met, I went to me some friends at Steve's house to watch the NCAA Basketball championships (Florida vs. Ohio State). I was drinking a RockStar and was super hyper. Not only was I making sound effects each time when Noah scored but I was laughing and doing wheel barrels up his stairs with Cari. I was a lil much to handle.

In late April of 2007, I had just moved into a condo I bought (my 1st home purchase) and thought it would be fun to meet some friends to play some games. Cari and I were playing Euker and noticed that Steve and a friend of his wanted to join in. We played for 3 HOURS!! Steve claims to this day that they stole the deal from us several times and lost of purpose just so they could say, "Rubber Match!" Needless to say, I found myself thinking, "He's so much fun!!"

That week Steve emailed me asking if I'd want to throw the frisbee sometime in efforts to practice for our Ultimate Frisbee league. We met up on May 5th and had a blast talking about faith, life, and tossing the disc around Fishers Park. He later helped my famly and I move furniture from my Dad's home. "What a guy!!" I knew he was special and was curious as to find out more about this Steve Black. So glad that I did!!

Proverbs 27:17
Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another.
Quote: "Steve, I think that it would be easier being single and in the missions field than dating (anyone)."

We started dating and were sharing lots about our hearts/faith, our pasts, hobbies, and dreams. Yet, it wasn't long before I questioned why he was sticking-around and pursuing me. "Why would he still want to date me knowing me this well... I get moody, too." I found that it was easier to hide those areas that needed growth and healing. After all, don't we have to wear a mask in order to be what someone else wants? "Why is he sticking around?" My trust for men was a lil low and thus I was afraid that I'd lose my mystery and be cast aside. BUT, Steve had a heart in him that God had been molding enabling him to hang-in-there through it all. Iron sharpens iron- we definitely prayed and relied on God during our dating. Six months later, Steve proposed and I found my heart taking a deep sigh... "I can be me. He loves me for me."

Since this is pretty long already, :) I'll write another blog regarding the engagement. Yet, this is how I met my hubby... I'm a blessed gal!!

Sincerely,
Mer